


New York

by Chngminxo



Series: Sun & Moon [9]
Category: B.A.P
Genre: (i guess??), M/M, a lil angst, just mostly Himchan thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 00:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9212174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chngminxo/pseuds/Chngminxo
Summary: Himchan spends their week of holiday in New York, and he can't help but feel like something is missing.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Moonyeyedwalrus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonyeyedwalrus/gifts).



Himchan knew that he was happy. As he sat squashed into the Korean Airlines seat for a disgusting 14 hours between Incheon and JFK, he felt the excitement build in his chest. He had a week to himself, a week to be with family, a week without having to think about being somewhere at a certain time. He could sleep all day if he so chose, he could eat whatever he wanted and not have a manager or a staff member peeking over his shoulder. He could laugh and curse and make crude jokes without worrying who would overhear, record it, take the photos. And he was happy. He was excited. He was free.

 

It was his cousin who came to get him from the airport. She waved and called out to him, he had grinned and dragged her into a tight hug. Something else he could do outside of Korea, where he was afraid even to hug his sister for fear of what it was that would blow up about it, how exposed she would be as a result. His face was free of makeup and his smile wide as he dragged his suitcase behind him towards her car, answering a string of questions. Yes his mother was good, as was his father and Yeji too. No, he wasn't too tired. Yes, the flight was alright.

 

“And do you have a girlfriend?” She asked with mischievous eyes once they were in the car and he was doing up his belt.

 

As always when asked that question, he rolled his eyes, laughed it off, sent her a playful glance, “Like I have time to date.” He said, and she sighed, as though disappointed in the lack of gossip he was bringing with him across the pacific ocean.

 

“Well maybe we'll find you a girl here.” She sing-songed back, glancing over her shoulder to reverse from her parking space, “Noona has lots of pretty friends, Himchannie-ah.”

 

“So I should get a girlfriend on the other side of the world.” He snorted.

 

“Who said you had to date her?” She laughed, “You're on holiday, Himchan-ah. Have some fun.”

 

Himchan laughed and shook his head. He didn't think she noticed the way he pulled his phone from his pocket and checked over it quickly, sending a text to say he arrived okay to the person who'd want to hear it the most.

 

 

 

Although his cousin, Hyojin, had offered him her couch, he had chosen a hotel. The room was small, but there was a bed, far larger than the one he had in the dorm. The simple suitcase he brought with him was left on the mattress, opened to let it air when he was following her out again, making the trip to visit his aunt, his mother's sister, and the rest of his American family. With him, he brought stories and photos, as well as gifts from Korea. Sometimes he wondered if his parents had ever considered moving here, too, and how different his life would have been. Growing up in Gangnam he always thought himself a city-boy, but even that was different to the urban sprawl and dirty streets around him. New York Himchan would have edgier haircuts, a Western style. He'd speak English, and probably go by a different name. _Himchan_ would be the name that appeared on his passport and drivers licence but it wouldn't be what his friends called him. Maybe they wouldn't even know it, the two foreign syllables that would make them laugh, as though it were somehow absurd for him to be known as anything else.

 

It would have been a good life, he was sure, one that made him happy, and maybe B.A.P would have still existed on the other side of the world. Maybe he would have even seen their photo at some point, heard a song and written it off as some cheesy Kpop he'd never been interested in and never would have taken the time to memorise the way Yongguk smiled when he was tired and in need of someone to just ask him if he was okay. He wouldn't have seen Daehyun talking too loud and too much as any kind of endearment, nor would he have looked into Youngjae's eyes and seen the sensitivity in them masked by the way his mind always chose the sharpest words to express himself. He probably wouldn't have looked at Junhong and pondered just how much taller the boy would grow, nor consider how his early discovered passion would be nurtured into talent. New York Himchan wouldn't look at Jongup and just know the magnificence that was hidden from the cameras behind an awkward demeanour and crooked front teeth. He wouldn't see the gentle nature, nor the quick intelligence and even quicker wit. Sure, he wouldn't know what he was missing, but every morning when he opened his eyes the first thing he saw would not be the beautiful face of Moon Jongup, the first thing he heard would not be his gentle voice, the first thing he touched would not be the soft skin that he could map by memory. There would certainly be an emptiness, and he would spend his life wondering just what it was that fit there.

 

“You've grown so handsome, Himchan-ah.” His aunt said, pinching his cheeks. He laughed and waved off the compliments, ignoring the way they drew attention to his newly defined muscles, stronger arms. _There must be girls all over chasing you_ they all echoed, giggling amongst themselves. He smiled and shrugged a shoulder. Maybe there was, he'd never really noticed.

 

 

 

“Cheers!” David said, holding up his glass on their third night out. He had a Korean name, but Himchan didn't know it, no one seemed to _use_ it. He had struggled pronouncing it at first. _Dae-bid. Day-bid-eu. Dae-vid-eu._ People had laughed, he had too, it had all been in good nature. Himchan from the country they all left behind, foreign but familiar, and loved all the same. David, however it was pronounced, was Hyojin's boyfriend, though she was going by the name Katie now, and he seemed to be the perfect combination of Loud and American mixed with Good and Korean. Himchan's aunt had said to him that morning that he was a Lawyer, or a Doctor, or something else that would make a lot of money, and he was involved in the temple not too far from where they lived.

 

“Cheers!” Himchan repeated. They all raised their glasses, some with cocktails, others with beer, he himself had red wine. It was delicious, a kind he hadn't tried before and he enjoyed it, maybe he would even take some back to Korea with him.

 

He was happy, in New York, with family and friends. New York Himchan would have been, too.

 

That didn't mean that nothing was missing though. As he took a photo with Hyojin-Katie and her friends hanging off his arms, he couldn't stop himself from wishing he wasn't so alone there, wishing there was someone else like him. Familiar but foreign. Though loved all the same.

 

When dinner was over, they walked to the water. Calling and laughing. It was clear their Korean was fluent, but unpracticed. The slang was out of date, and Himchan felt as though he was the one speaking it weirdly, differently, as though his Seoul accent was unusual. Maybe to them it was.

 

“K-pop star Kim Himchan!” David called, as he had all that night. He seemed excited to know a 'celebrity.' An arm swung around his shoulder, jostling him as guys do, “We should go to a bar! Help our friend Himchan here get a girl!”

 

He shook his head, waved it off, rolled his eyes. He didn't need anyone, he said, he wasn't interested in one night stands. One of Katie's friends laughed, linked arms with him and tugged him to the edge, where the water lapped at the pavement, and lights glittered against it. He could see the Statue of Liberty, with her torch raised in the air, illuminated by the bright lights surrounding her feet. Youngjae would love this, he couldn't stop himself from thinking.

 

“Excuse me.” Someone said in English, and he stepped aside, out of the stranger's way.

 

“Sorry.” He replied, his tongue sounding heavy and off when he uttered the foreign word. Junhong would be in his element here, where he could practice his English, show off a little, less he get too shy. Yongguk would love it, too, simply because he thrived on seeing their maknae grow, share the talents and skills he was nurturing. Himchan knew the distinct shades of Pride that would cross his gaze as he watched Junhong blending in with the crowd, cool and confident.

 

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he glanced over his shoulder again. Katie was calling to him, telling him they were going to a Karaoke place not far from where they were now. Daehyun would have loved to go to Karaoke. He would make all the funny voices, thrive off the laughter his friends would emit though every now and then he would take it seriously and sing in the voice they knew, throw himself in. It was often he was caught between his talent and his playfulness, unsure which one was more suitable at any time. The drinks would be cheap, the entertainment cheaper, and Himchan could still feel Katie's friend hanging off his arm. He was happy here, in New York, with the family he barely knew. Familiar and loved. Foreign all the same.

 

Again, his phone vibrated and he took in a breath, “I'm tired, Noona.” he said, shaking his head. Katie smiled and patted his cheek, sending him off to his hotel and to bed.

 

“Our Himchan-ah has an exhausting idol life.” She said with pride as he retreated, “He needs his rest while he is on break.” The others hummed and nodded, but soon he was forgotten and they were whipped back into their excitement, eager to continue their night.

 

Himchan was happy, though. Both there, and in his hotel. It had been a while since he had a room to himself, a strange luxury. He could take the long shower he wanted, he could order room service. He could leave the TV on whatever channel took his fancy (not that any would be in a language he understood.)

 

He rubbed his hair with a white towel, wearing nothing but a pair of sweats as water still gathered on his skin. Outside was cold, inside was warm, and as always his body would too easily overheat. As fireworks exploded somewhere on the harbour, Himchan sat gazing at his laptop screen, watching the little green dot vibrate and wiggle, waiting for it to connect until it did and Jongup was smiling back at him. It was early in the morning where he was and his eyes were heavy lidded with sleep, his smile lazy and his chest bare.

 

“Hey.” He greeted, and Himchan's shoulder's relaxed.

 

“Hey.” He said in reply. Himchan was happy in New York, and he would be happy anywhere for as long as Jongup would be his. Though that did not change the fact that it was with him that he felt the best. Where he wasn't foreign but familiar, and loved all the same.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I, an individual from Australia who has no idea about the geography of New York.
> 
> Anyway idk I had this idea when I was working and I just ??? wrote it???? Just a little headcanon about Himchan in New York missing Jongup and the others. Super short, super quick, and hopefully enjoyable. It took me less than an hour to write + edit it, and now I'm posting it and going to sleep. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also I'm gifting this fic to [Moonyeyedwalrus](http://archiveofourown.org/users/moonyeyedwalrus) because she's just generally my fave xo love you!


End file.
